journal entries

Do I pack daily?

Multiple people have asked me how often I pack, lately.

The short answer is: no, I don’t pack daily.

The longer answer is … I seem to be packing more and more often. Since I got my hands on that fabulous packing cock, it’s been easier to pack discreetly and comfortably, so I’ve done it increasingly.

I used to pack only when I had a hot date and having sex was a possibility; that began changing six or so months ago, when I began packing occasionally when going out, just for the boost of cock confidence.

I can see why it may seem that I pack often though. The narrators in my stories nearly always pack, and I do speak of my butch cock frequently. But I don’t pack in my daily life, and I would say I’ve never packed and gone to work (rather, I’d bring my cock and put it on at the end of the day) but that’s not a true statement anymore, because today, I am packing, and at work.

I did not choose the Silky cock I can actually use, rather I am wearing a flaccid cyberskin “mr. softie” cock that does not get hard and is made only for the purposes of tucking into undies, to feel the weight of something between the legs, to perhaps pass a hand squeeze upon inspection, or maybe to surprise someone I may brush up against.

Generally, I do not feel that I’m “missing something” when I don’t pack. I don’t really think about it, in fact. I think of a cock as part of my sexuality, primarily, and part of my gender secondarily, I suppose – I love the ways it plays with gender while I’m in the midst of sex, but I don’t know if I want to add it to my daily navigation-of-the-world type of gender.

This is one of the reasons why it is hard for me to wear suits to work functions, such as my holiday office party which happened last week. Last year, I wore a suit (it is formal, ties required) and I felt so very exposed. It’s not as if I am not visible or out at work, both are true; and I wear the men’s “corporate casual” office uniform, primarily consisting of polos, button-downs, and slacks; but somehow, a suit crossed over into a sexual presentation of my gender identity.

It was better this year – more comfortable, more of a gender thing and less sexual. I am simply more comfortable at workhaving been here nearly two years rather than it being my first major party, as was the case last year. I fit in better, I know more people, I can hold my own in conversations. I’m not the new guy anymore, which is nice, and I even have some authority of my own.

Back to the softie cock I have carefully tucked away into my briefs today like a present.

I was chatting with DateDyke this morning for a bit, primarily attempting to knock down her gloating at being currently five votes away from owning my ass, and she mentioned that she was particularly fond of those little softie cocks.

“It’s a teaser,” she wrote. “I like feeling it in passing. It’s a nice little shock.”

I do like that idea. A revealing of the way I own and use cocks. A subtle hint at the ways that I fuck.

So, no, I don’t pack daily. Cocks are an addition, as they’ve always been, though they are becoming more and more central to my presentation, sexuality, and gender.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

2 thoughts on “Do I pack daily?”

  1. Wendy says:

    Despite not identifying as male or butch at any point, (which always sort of surprised me, considering how cock-centric I can be about my own dick) I've considered packing for cock-confidence. Even as a youngin', I used to refer to my 'metaphorical cock', and just the idea of it gave me more confidence. (It was also referred to in arguments – I would win by metaphorically pulling out my dick and slapping it on the table) Maybe I'll go take a look at some packing dicks after the holidays. ("Mom, can I have a new dick for Christmas? I don't need any more sweaters!")

    Also, I totally voted for Date Dyke's owning your ass. :) Good luck!

  2. Interesting post to me for the gender issues as it relates to the cock.

    I really liked something about this phrase.."the softie cock I have carefully tucked away into my briefs today like a present"

    Bit of background I would characterize myself (probably inaccurately, I'm still figuring out my gender issues) as an M-to-F fetishist crossdresser. Unlike some of my sisters (and brothers) under the transgendered umbrella, I don't seem to have much diaspora for my natal gender, just a generalized feeling of affinity towards the other.

    I never minded my little present as it were. However there is something magical in its absence. With the boys tucked up in safely and the rest of the plumbing securely stowed back, like a kink in a garden hose, there is no or less fluid transfer to the hydraulics upon arousal. this in turn seems to belay some of the aggressiveness that feel in my fully male presenting mode.

    I can definitely see where the softie cock I have carefully tucked away into my briefs today like a present the weight of the cock, forward and a bit menacing causes one to feel ones manhood in ones core. Conversely sisters I know who do use forms report that leading with bosom into the room feels completely different. I am a natural girl till now relying on the same body that kids thought they wee being cruel when they described it as effeminate, but that now that I have tried actual feminine clothes on that frame I of course see the inherent masculine cues. Perhaps I shall pack for my other gender some time too.

    Best regards my man,
    The Geek

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