Happy #InternationalPronounDay!

it’s #InternationalPronounsDay! And in honor, I’ll just gently remind you that my pronouns are they, them, theirs, themself. I prefer the honorific Mx., but Mr. works too, and calling me “sir” is also great (though preferably not in a D/s way, unless we have that kind of thing).

As in:

  • Have you seen their latest post?
  • Did you go to the workshop with them?
  • I like their work!
  • They really look like themself away.

Honestly, it doesn’t bother me all that much when people call me by another pronoun … I mean, not much, though it does still bother me. But I am always thrilled when people get it right. Like, always. It continues to make me feel so seen, even vulnerable, in a way that surprises me. I mostly don’t expect people to get it right, I suppose, because I’ve had so many experiences with people getting it wrong, that I don’t want to get my hopes up.

So, thanks, to all of you who get it right.

Thanks to all of you who are working to get it right, and don’t always, but who try, and who correct themselves and others.

And to all the nonbinary babes out there: I see you. Your pronouns are real and valid and I promise to always do my best to honor them. I screw them up, sometimes, but I want to get it right, and thank you for correcting me.

To all the cis folks with your pronouns in your email signature and Instagram bio and business cards: thanks. Thanks for showing that you understand that if you “look like a girl” you still might use pronouns other than she/her. Thanks for showing that you understand that gender identity doesn’t necessarily match your presentation. Thanks for making it easier for me to share mine.

I don’t think anyone should be forced to share their pronouns, because sometimes it isn’t safe for someone to be out as trans or nonbinary. But for folks who are comfortable and able to share theirs, it helps folks like me who don’t always know how it’s going to be received if we share our pronouns. It helps me be more open, be more vocal about being nonbinary, about being outside of the norm. And it helps me to trust other people more, because I see that they’re trying, and that they know something about gender.

Image: glitter knuckle face paint by a lovely queer clown at Lesbians Who Tech conference in 2019.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert.

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