Fundamentals of the Protocol Game

It’s a game: Try out one protocol a week for a year — keep ones you like, forget those you don’t. It’s pretty simple!

rife + I are doing a webinar at the end of April where we’ll walk you through how to actually come up with 52, making training categories, and some best practices for making protocol happen. The webinar is on April 27th for $5+ patrons — sign up here.

We’ll do most of the workbook right on the webinar, so you’ll walk away with the game set up — you won’t stick it in your desk drawer and discover it three months later thinking oh yeah, I was going to do that wasn’t I?

I highly recommend it for folks in and out of power dynamics or relationships, for dominants or subs or switches! It’s been very helpful & successful for un-owned subs in the past; it gives a sense of structure, things to practice, and ongoing reminders of D/s identity.

Some of our key learnings:

The first few times we set it up for ourselves, rife + I found that sometimes the protocol I set up for him were actually things I had to do — like: “receive a flogging every night” is actually kinda my protocol, something I had to make happen, not his. So the second year we did the game, we each had our own.

We also split the protocols into tasks vs protocols:

Protocols are “if this then that:” when you wake up, offer me sexual service. When you shower, shave your cunt. when you do the dishes, wear a butt plug.

Tasks are one time: clean the refrigerator. Get waxed. Buy new rope.

I’ve had (mostly) vanilla friends of mine use this for other things, too. Once I helped a friend set up 52 dating experiments, because she wanted to date more but was coming up against all kinds of blocks. It can work for all sorts of realms of exploration and growth and goals.

But how do you come up with 52?!

Coming up with the actual protocols can be the hardest. I asked so many dominants if they would mind sharing their list of the protocols with me

Breaking it into training categories, or, as we call it, making a training wheel, can help with that:

(PS, it’s really helpful to have a graphic designer / illustrator as my owned property, I gotta say. Reminds me of how all those singer/songwriters marry their sound techs. I get it.)

There are also more serious high-level overviews of life like this one, from the book How To Be, Do, or Have Anything (which is actually better than it sounds).

There are other life matrix-esque charts, but it’s often best to come up with the areas of your life specifically that you want to make the most progress in. They could be the ones that are holding you back, but don’t forget the ones that are sexy, fun, power-driven, exciting, juicy!

We break protocols into multiple categories:

  • Sexy for sexy’s sake — just, because
  • Making pragmatic things hot — dishes (but with a butt plug!), paperwork (but tied to a chair!)
  • Self-improvement

(But go easy on the self-improvement one, okay? We can so easily get caught up in Making Ourselves Better, and it’s important to also be accepting of where we’re at and just stay still, too. Meaning: make sure you also have a lot of sexy ones that just feel good in your dynamic & identity! Plenty more of those than the self-improvement ones.)

In her book Discipline (now out of print), Lily Lloyd set up these Three Core Rules for protocol which I really like. If a protocol goes against any of these things, don’t do it! Or, reassess it!

If all of this sounds interesting, come join me + rife on April 27th for the Protocol Game workshop!

The $5 or up levels on Patreon include the monthly webinars —— which will include D/s PLAYGROUND this summer!

Sign up at patreon.com/mrsexsmith

Announcing: D/s Webinars for Patrons

I’ve reached a new goal in Patreon where I’m beginning to offer monthly D/s webinars for the folks who are pledging $5+ over on Patreon.

Fourth Saturday of the Month
10am-12noon PT / 1-3pm ET

It’s been exciting! We’ve done four so far. The one in December, 2018, was a condensed version of a workshop that rife and I have done many places called The Protocol Game, about building 52 protocol based on a “training wheel” that you make for yourself, and then you pull one random protocol each week for a year. It’s great to do for submissives who either don’t have a dominant or whose dominant doesn’t control their protocol that way, or for dominants who want to get better at self-control and discipline.

rife & I did a walk-through of how we created our first Protocol Game and explained it here, in case you’re interested in building that for yourself.

January’s webinar will be Fundamentals of Dominance

Saturday, January 26, 2019
10am-12pm PT / 1pm-3pm ET

Here’s how to join the webinars:

  • Head over to my page on Patreon, patreon.com/mrsexsmith
  • Sign up for one of the $5 or more tiers. You’ll get other gifts, too, not just the webinars!
  • You’ll receive email notifications in the days coming up to the webinar with the links on how to join!

Yes, the webinars will be recorded, so patrons can watch it later if they cannot access it live. And, they can access all of the past webinars!

There will be different D/s workshop every month

rife won’t always be able to join me, and it won’t always be on the 4th Saturday of the month, but the patrons will be notified in advance of the dates. As soon as I have a schedule worked out, I’ll release a few months in advance, with the dates and topics.

Topic wise, I will do some more classes on power dynamics that rife and I have already taught, and some new ones … and I’m thinking about Submissive Playground, too.

Would you come to Submissive Playground if I broke it up over four webinars?

I’m thinking I’ll break the course down and do one unit per webinar, for four webinars, every other month. So one month will be Bondage, then Discipline, then Service, then Masochism. $5+ patrons will have access to all the course materials, and if they want individual sessions with me or for me to go over their homework, that’ll be an add-on.

It’d make the course much more affordable than it was before. (The $5 level on Patreon is per-thing, not per-month, though, remember, so it’s actually about $25/month. Still, $25 webinar is less than I have done any of these in the past.)

I’d love to know what other D/s topics or classes you’d like!

So far, I have these requests:

  • Codependence & D/s
  • Stepping up your D/s (beginner->intermediate)
  • D/s and Open Relationships
  • Dom drop tips
  • D/s when you don’t live together / long distance

The classes rife & I are working on are:

  • The Art of Ownership
  • Queer Non-Binary D/s
  • Powerful Submission, Vulnerable Dominance
  • Take, Allow, Serve, Accept
  • Doctor D/s
  • Up the D/s Escalator: Trust & Limits

If any of these are speaking to you, I’d love to know; please add your ideas in the comments.