Making Your Strap-On Part of Your Body

When someone straps on, it’s easy for it to feel like an awkward protrusion rather than something connected to their actual body. But there are ways to practice embodying a strap-on so it feels more like you, which can then make it feel more exciting and more connective when using it during play.

You know how sometimes you put on a bigger backpack than you’re used to, and at first, you knock into the wall, the table, or a friend, because you just aren’t sure where the backpack is in relationship to you? That’s an illustration of one of the great human senses called proprioception.

Proprioception is the “perception or awareness of the position and movement of the body.” After we spend some time with that backpack, generally, we are able to sense how far behind us it extends, and we can be more aware of when we’re going to fit through a door and when we won’t.

The same is true of how we drive a car — ever notice that when you get into a new car, it takes a little while to figure out how to parallel park smoothly? But with your own car, it might be simple — because you already have a sense of the extension of the car in relationship to your body, and you know how to maneuver it.

The same thing is true for a strap-on.

It’s a tool, and a sex toy, yes, but it’s more than that: It can become an extension of your body.

Here’s some ideas of ways to play with proprioception, embodiment, and body-awareness to make your strap-on part of your body.

1. Feel It

Right after you put it on, take a few deep breaths and feel into it. What does it feel like? Maybe it’s awkward, exciting, a turn-on, exhilarating, nerve-wracking. Whatever it is, that’s normal and okay.

If it works for you, you could have a conversation, or put your intention into it while you’re first sensing what it’s like to wear it.

2. Touch It

Use your hands. Feel it, not as a sex toy that you are about to use, but as part of your body. Hold it in your hand. Put your finger on the very tip and see if you can feel your energy all the way into the shaft. Feel the weight and length and girth of it. Move your hips a little and feel what it feels like to have it move with you.

Try that all over again, but this time, close your eyes. What does it feel like now?

3. Practice Wearing It

Even when you’re not going to be using it for sexy playtime, put it on sometimes. Wear it around the house when you are doing chores or doing homework to get used to it. You’ll start to feel how it moves, how it connects to your hips, how the harness feels.

Not all of them are comfortable to put on and wear, I know — but you can figure out a way to wear it without having to move around so much (or put pants on top of it). You could just watch TV.

(Plus, it’s always good to practice putting the harness on and off, since having that be fluid helps with confidence.)

4. Masturbate With It

Dedicate some time to yourself to see what it feels like. No, you don’t have to use it as penetrative (unless you want to) — but use it as if you were using it with someone else.

Jerk off with it, play with it. Use lube, and slide your hand on the shaft. See what it feels like with a vibrator underneath it. See what it feels like when you thrust your hips up to meet your hand, rather than have all the movement come from your hand.

It doesn’t have to bring you to orgasm — the point is just to practice feeling it, and feeling it erotically. It certainly could have an orgasm involved, though!

5. Take Your Time

If you’re with a lover, take some time to yourself right after you put it on. Don’t rush! Feel it, touch it, and move with it until you feel like you have a sense of it as part of your body.

The more you get used to having it connected to your body, the more easily it’ll feel like an extension of you.

Babeland’s New Gender Expression Category

Babeland has launched a Gender Expression category! Which includes products for packing, dildos for strapping on, harnesses, accessories like chest binders and stand-to-pee devices, and more.

 

I’ve got a couple of these products lined up to review, including the clit pump and the new Tantus Realdoe, and hopefully a STP (stand to pee) review roundup … and maybe a few others. I’m excited this is being offered and I look forward to the rest of the new things that get added to this category!

Review: Talula

This is the Talula softskin dildo by the new company Vamp Silicone, who generously sent me two different cocks to review.

Shape:Doesn’t it look like it’s about to blast off? Shouldn’t it be secured to some sling-shot or something? That angle! I was pretty skeptical about how it’s shaped, it seems like it would be really pokey, awkward to wear.

But it’s not. The angle means that it can sit lower in a harness, almost between my legs, and instead of having a slight downward angle like most other cocks, it stays firmly upright. While Kristen and I tried it out she actually started moaning about “that spot right there that spot that spot,” which she almost never does, so it is clear it’s a very effective g-spot stimulator.

Material:It’s softskin—did you catch that in the introduction? So when I ran across this new company I wondered if this would be the Next Big Thing, the new version of super realistic, flesh-like silicone. But before I received them, I talked to a sex toy shop owner who said they didn’t think the softskin was really any different from their regular silicone, so I was prepared to be disappointed.

It’s nothing like that other famous kind of softskin, which, in my opinion, is more realistic-feeling and more fleshy, but it’s definitely softer than regular silicone. In fact, I like it quite a lot.

It was hard to find a good shot of it. The website has a shot of the three different sizes of Talula, in black, all right next to each other, but it’s not quite an accurate shot of what it looks like. I’ve got one in the cream color, shown above, and it apparently also comes in ruby, cocoa, and cafe au lait.

Size:The medium one, which I have, is 6.5″x1.5″, with the smaller one at 5″x1″ and the bigger one at 7″x2″. That must be including the length of the balls, which makes it a bit smaller insertable length. It was a little bit small to be my favorite cock for fucking, but it was just about right for blow jobs. Perhaps if I get my hands on the larger one, it’ll become my new favorite. I can see that as a possibility.

I’m definitely keeping this one at the top of the toy box.

Thanks to Vamp Silicone for sending this to me to review. Pick up your own Talula dildo over at their website, or at your local feminist sex-positive queer sex toy store.