poetry

a tiny revelation

Posted on by Sinclair Sexsmith

I want this to be special
I want this to be totally unique
and meaningful
and singular.
But really,
it was only love.

And this is only a broken heart.

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

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7 thoughts on “a tiny revelation”

  1. birdonthewirenyc says:

    every experience is unique.

    Reply
  2. bold says:

    There is no such thing as "only a broken heart".

    Reply
  3. sinclair says:

    bold: of course there is. that's the whole point.

    Reply
  4. lady brett says:

    i like

    Reply
  5. bold says:

    Sinclair, I disagree.Respectfully, of course.

    Reply
  6. sinclair says:

    bold: well, the reason that irks me a bit is because I feel like I haven't explained myself fully, and you're seeing it to be meaning something that is not what I mean. I could be wrong of course. but let me explain.I'm not saying "only a broken heart" in order to dismiss it, or to belittle it, or to make it mean less, or to diminish the experience. yes, of course, a broken heart is a big fucken deal (I mean, obviously – probably the most traumatic thing we humans go through, aside from witnessing death). but what I'm saying is this: I have been struggling for quite some time with the elaborate, complex emotions, feelings, resentment, hurt, pain – all that crap – and I've been struggling, forcing it, really, to mean something cosmic and soul-deep and all-consuming and infinite. but really, it's just a broken heart.see what I'm saying? now, that is NOT to say that I don't think there are bits of the cosmos, the soul-deep, the all-consuming inside of a broken heart. I do. but what I'm doing is naming this experience. putting it into a little box called "broken heart" and closing the lid and putting it on the shelf. it's only a broken heart. that's all this is. I've wounded; I will heal.

    Reply
  7. bold says:

    I certainly didn't mean to irk you. I think you misunderstood me a little too. I don't think there's such thing as "only a broken heart", at least for someone like me (and I think, someone like you… but I could be wrong because I don't know you and I've only been reading your blog and really not all that long at that, but anyway…) because every broken heart I've suffered has somehow wound up having a major impact on my life. I'm not saying I don't get over it, I'm not saying I don't move on, I'm saying that, in loving and losing I become somehow changed.And to categorize the agent of that change as "only" anything seems not-quite-right.It's never been for me "only a broken heart" because there's always managed to be regrowth, rebirth, renewal afterwards.So, saying it's only a broken heart feels to me a little like saying "Oh, it's only a forest fire."But I get your point, I see your perspective, and again, I never meant to irk you. You will heal. You've already started to.

    Reply

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