identity politics

Top 10 things I love about being butch

Posted on by Sinclair Sexsmith

  1. I am visibly queer

  2. I give visibility to femmes, which make both of our identities more subversive

  3. It challenges the sex/gender assumption

  4. Belts, suspenders, wingtip shoes, vests, motorcycle boots, leather bracelets, briefs, boxers, fedoras, ties

  5. My cock collection

  6. Moments of being “in” with the straight boys when they are able to have an open discussion with me about sex & gender

  7. The way me and my gender make so much more sense when up against a femme and her gender

  8. Re-inventing masculinity

  9. When gay boys or straight girls think I’m hot

  10. The awkward greeting of “yes, sir?” at a restaurant/deli/library, only to be followed with “Uh, ma’am, uh, sorry, uh…”

  11. [And one bonus reason:] Following in my mother’s footsteps and rejecting femininity, but for completely different reasons

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them) is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queers" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for a Lambda Literary Award, and they are the current editor of the Best Lesbian Erotica series. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and they live outside Seattle as an uninvited settler on traditional, ancestral, & unceded Snoqualmie land.

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5 thoughts on “Top 10 things I love about being butch”

  1. lady brett says:

    #4…mmm ;)

    Reply
  2. Ms. Avarice says:

    but what do you prefer? ma’am or sir, or does it matter? even being femme, i could care less if someone called me sir…

    Reply
  3. sinclair says:

    I prefer ma'am, I suppose, because I don't ID as a boy or male, and when someone reads me as such they aren't really looking at me, they aren't really seeing me. I play with the masculinity, sure – lovers have called me sir & mister, and that can be incredibly hot. but that's within a certain gendered context that is not the outside straight world, ya know? it's a certain container inside of which I can play.not sure that's clear. I'll have to think on this & explore it more later.

    Reply
  4. Essin' Em says:

    I'd be interested to hear more on this…while I've always viewed butches as butch women, I recently was talking to someone who referred to all of her butch friends using masculine pronouns, and I was super duper confused…What pronouns do you prefer?Ok, enough trying to be deep…I'm off to go be fucked (hopefully) by J (who prefers to be called sir :) )Wish me luck with my femme wiles :)

    Reply
  5. sinclair says:

    I prefer female pronouns. if the "gender neutural" pronouns weren't so rediculously awkward, I might prefer those, simply because I consider myself genderqueer or gender deviant from the norm …I'll have to write on this more sometime. I'll add it to the list. thanks for the comments/questions!

    Reply

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