Jack Stratton, writingdirty.com
1. What insight about polyamory/open relationships would you share with your younger self?
Ask for what you want and help your partner understand your attraction.
One of the main of causes of the negative aspects of jealousy is your partner(s) filling in what they don’t know about your desires/partners with their own worries, fears, and self-consciousness. Be upfront about what you want and why you want others. I find it a lot easier to get into that lovely compersion zone when I understand my partner’s attraction. I don’t have to share in it, but often I do, since my primary and I are somewhat similar.
Know that people want different amounts of information and different types of information and sometimes they are not going to know exactly what they want right away. You have to communicate a lot. You have to communicate about how you want to communicate.
Keep discussion and negotiation as fun as possible. Remember that you are not brokering a business transaction, you are figuring out how to get your desires and your partners desires met (and exceeded) while keeping everyone happy.
Reinforce each partners’ specific special place in your life and in your heart. Keep certain things sacred to certain partners.
It’s okay to to give your primary veto power.
2. What has been the hardest thing about navigating multiple relationships, and how have you overcome that?
Learning when to talk about what. I tend to worry about talking and negotiating if my partner is in a bad mood or busy. Sometimes that has bitten me in the ass because I end up talking to them too late or too close to a date or something. Timing is the toughest for me.
Asking for what I want. It means knowing what I want and understanding what I want.
3. What has been the best thing about being open/poly?
The rush of meeting new people mixed with the joy of stable long term relationships. Swooning over people and watching my partner swoon over someone. Getting all tangled up in mutual attraction and three way attraction and so on. Having crushes all the time and being able to follow them through as much or as little as I like.
Ridiculously hot kink and sex.
No guilt ever.
4. Anything else you’d like to add?
Google Calendar. Google Calendar. Google Calendar. It is the most useful thing in the world for poly people. Knowing who is doing what, when, and where but me and my partners at ease. Also, you can look and if you see something you’re not sure about you just drop a little note. “Who is Lisa again?” I love it.
