It is a sacred, intimate act to go into someone else’s body.
When I say ‘sacred,’ I mean rare, precious, and done to help us remember our divinity and humanity. Done to connect us to something bigger than us, each other, and ourselves.
It is a very unusual for us to do, generally. Kissing, and other erotic acts. Doctors, dentists, some bodyworkers like acupuncture. Very few things pierce the barrier of our skin. Very few things actually go inside of our bodies, actually into one of the holes in our bodies.
Generally, our skin does what it is supposed to: it keeps our insides inside and it keeps everything else out. Generally, it is successful, and when something goes in that we don’t want, it is a violation. It is a virus, a parasite, a wound, an act of violence.
It is very, very common for us to have experiences with acts of violence in our past. For people with vaginas, it is extremely common — and it is common that that violence is particularly related to genitalia, to sexual history, to something entering unwanted.
The statistics vary: 1 in 8, 1 in 4. But ultimately,
You could call this part of “cock mindfulness.” When it comes to penetrating someone else’s body, we never have a right to be there — no matter how much we play that we own them, control them, or force them (meaning, in a consensual non-consent way). We are there because, underneath our agreements, they consent to that happening.
Going inside someone else’s body also has the added complexity that trauma lives in the body. When something traumatic happens to someone, it is stored in the body, and it can flare up to the surface suddenly and without warning. The hips and pelvis are also huge storage depots (to quote one of my favorite yoga teachers) for stress, tension, and trauma. The body remembers and keeps track of things in deep ways that the study of somatic is just beginning to understand.
Going inside someone else’s body is a deep intimacy that is a privilege, not a right. It is something I encourage us all to deeply honor, any time we have the option, and to use very, very wisely.
Perhaps it’s partly why food is such a big part of courtship, comfort, and romantic gestures — because we take something into our bodies, inside of our whole systems, that someone else prepared lovingly with us in mind.
