essays

This includes my personal understandings of gender theory, queer theory, BDSM theory, power theory, feminist theory, butch/femme dynamic and identity.

The Singular “They” Is Grammatically Correct, Dammit

May 16th, 2019 • 4 minute read • by

Dear (Cis) People Who Put Your Pronouns On Your “Hello My Name Is” Name Tag

April 20th, 2019 • 3 minute read • by

Fundamentals of the Protocol Game

April 15th, 2019 • 3 minute read • by

The Outermost Bracket™: A Theory on D/s and Non-Monogamy

January 28th, 2019 • 6 minute read • by

Creating a Submissive Training Plan for Yourself

December 31st, 2018 • 4 minute read • by

Introducing Erotix: Literary Journal of Somatics

July 29th, 2018 • 3 minute read • by

The Personal Blog Is Not Dead

November 1st, 2017 • 4 minute read • by

Which harnesses work with double dildos?

September 29th, 2017 • 4 minute read • by

You can be your strongest self AND a power bottom

September 17th, 2016 • 4 minute read • by

Femming the Strap-On, Guest Post by Artemisia FemmeCock

July 28th, 2016 • 3 minute read • by

How I Became A Daddy

July 23rd, 2016 • 4 minute read • by

Introducing View From The Top: My BDSM Journey

February 5th, 2016 • 2 minute read • by

On the Importance of Queer, Women Centered, & Feminist Sex Toy Shops (Map)

December 27th, 2015 • 3 minute read • by

Microagressions & Misgendering: “Right this way, ladies.”

December 21st, 2015 • 8 minute read • by

The Best Queer Sex Blogs

November 15th, 2015 • 3 minute read • by

The Exact Right Word: National Coming Out Day and Chosen Identities

October 16th, 2015 • 2 minute read • by

“Submission is mine to define for myself.” Interview with Miss Piggy

September 14th, 2015 • 3 minute read • by

7 Tips For Flirting As A Submissive

September 11th, 2015 • 5 minute read • by

“I found a sense of clarity about my path:” Interview with Shiris

August 26th, 2015 • 3 minute read • by

You’ll Never Find the Perfect Dominant

August 18th, 2015 • 3 minute read • by

Queer Masculinity in Porn: Heavenly Spire, Stepfather’s Secret, & More

January 30th, 2015 • 11 minute read • by

“Healing comes through sex.” Sinclair Sexsmith interviews Sophia Chang

January 2nd, 2015 • < 1 minute read • by

Turn Your Rough Fantasies into Responsible Reality

December 29th, 2014 • 3 minute read • by

Follow your own Kinky Desire Map

December 18th, 2014 • 4 minute read • by

Things I, as a white sex educator, do to foster inclusivity in this community

December 16th, 2014 • 6 minute read • by

10 Tips for Tops

November 30th, 2014 • 7 minute read • by

Long Live the Butch

November 20th, 2014 • 6 minute read • by

The Four Stages of Topping

October 30th, 2014 • 8 minute read • by

Dear Tops: Say Thank You

October 25th, 2014 • 5 minute read • by

On Gender Perception, or: Break Your Eyes Open to Genderqueers

October 9th, 2014 • 6 minute read • by

The Ten Sugarbutch Cock Commandments

September 26th, 2014 • 8 minute read • by

Do rough sex fantasies compromise your sex-positive ethics?

September 11th, 2014 • 5 minute read • by

Let’s Talk About Bleeding While Butch

August 31st, 2014 • 7 minute read • by

Is psychological kink play “healthy”?

August 25th, 2014 • 3 minute read • by

Bored Kinkster Blues

June 30th, 2014 • 3 minute read • by

Free download: Submissive Starter Kit

June 27th, 2014 • 2 minute read • by

“I know I’m submissive. But where do I start?” aka “I just read Fifty Shades of Grey and I want THAT.”

June 26th, 2014 • 5 minute read • by

What you should know about privacy, secret identities, and kink communities

June 24th, 2014 • 8 minute read • by

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I’m a sub, but my partner is not a dom. What do I do?

June 6th, 2014 • 4 minute read • by

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: I struggle with my feminist beliefs and my bedroom preferences … help!

April 18th, 2014 • 7 minute read • by

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: How Do I Use My Girlfriend for My Pleasure?

March 19th, 2014 • 6 minute read • by

To All the Tops Who Are Afraid to Make a Move

February 25th, 2014 • 6 minute read • by

Is genderqueer (or butch) a stepping stone to transitioning?

February 3rd, 2014 • 5 minute read • by

The Great Reader Mini-Interview, Part Eight: Creating an Active Fantasy Life, It’s Okay to Be Butch, and “You’re Fucking Gay”

January 24th, 2014 • 2 minute read • by

Resiliance and Rebuilding: 2013 in Books, Music, and Writings

January 6th, 2014 • 4 minute read • by

The Great Reader Mini-Interview, Part Seven: The Journey, Smut, and Black Tee Shirts

December 28th, 2013 • < 1 minute read • by

The Great Reader Mini-Interview of 2013, Part Six: Stay for the Smut

December 16th, 2013 • 2 minute read • by

Why Lesbian Erotica is Activism

December 10th, 2013 • 5 minute read • by

Ask Mr. Sexsmith: Tomboi vs RodeoH brief-style harness?

November 27th, 2013 • 2 minute read • by

The Great Reader Mini-Interview of 2013, Part 5: In which you recommend Stone Butch Blues & Fried Green Tomatoes, and give good advice

November 21st, 2013 • < 1 minute read • by