Inspired by Maggie Stiefvater, who has quickly become one of my favorite authors after reading the Raven Cycle series, here is a bullet-pointed list of what I’ve done this decade.
- Published Say Please, Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, the novella series, Erotix, and Best Lesbian Erotica of the Year Volume 4 (2020) … basically, all of the books that I’ve published came out this decade
- Published stories in 20+ books, not even sure I can count them all
- Wrote a column on Autostraddle for a year and a half
- Met & fell in love with rife … had countless adventures, had a collaring ceremony, received a cover from him in front of the monthly leather group we’ve attended for six years, threw the most incredible 5-day party/destination travel wedding in my hometown
- Moved from Brooklyn to Oakland, in part to be with the boy and in part because I’ve always wanted to live in the San Francisco Bay Area and I felt complete with New York City
- Ran for and won a leather title with rife (this is a tiny entry in this list but it is a really huge accomplishment)
- Traveled to 34 states, 5 provinces in Canada, Puerto Rico, and Mexico
- Finally figured out what was at the root of some of my health problems: got diagnosed with a systemic candida infection and spent two years (mostly successfully) trying to clear it from my system
- Got top surgery / a breast reduction surgery that has greatly improved my body
- Applied for 25+ jobs, 4 grad schools, 2 writing residencies, 5 writing awards that I did not receive
- Received alumni of the year from my gender studies department at my undergrad college
- Received three awards from the National Leather Association for my writing
- Judged three different literary contests — National Leather Association, Lambda Literary Awards, and Publishing Triangle Awards — multiple times
- Judged the International Ms Leather contest
- Taught dozens of classes at dozens of venues across the US & Canada
- Was completely rearranged by the sudden, unexpected death of my dad in 2012
- Learned brush lettering, rekindled my love for tarot cards, stepped up my journal game with bullet journal techniques (though I was doing something similar to that before the craze started! #beforeitwascool)
- Dug deep into my own mental health, eventually landing on a diagnosis of c-PTSD, which has been a huge relief slash one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced
- Witnessed the spiraling out of control death of my ego in 2018 that rearranged me even more than the death and change of 2012 did
- Committed myself to the spiritual practice of buddhism & kashmir shivism (with a good heap of pagan witchiness thrown in there too)
- Became a teacher in a lineage in which I’ve studied since 1999 (through Body Trust); founded an erotic embodiment company with three beloveds!
- Got the root canal in my front tooth rebuilt, which was needed for a long time and was probably a low-level infection in my body for ~ten years
- Ran a queer reading series in New York City with Cheryl B, which enabled us to host and support incredible queer writers from all over
- Spent time on the board of the BUTCH Voices conference, running their media team
- Launched a Patreon for Sugarbutch, which has completely changed my life and finally, finally, finally enabled me to feel like people really do want me to keep writing and publishing here
- Spent time doing yoga, running (3x 5k races), boxing, and weightlifting, and continue to practice finding the pleasure in moving my body
- Completed a sacred intimate year-long training, which has been one of the biggest things I’ve ever done for spiritual growth in my life
- Moved to an apartment in Oakland which is my favorite home I’ve ever lived in, aside from my childhood home … maybe even including that
- Continue to live with a cat who is now an old lady who is only slightly grumpy and very very cuddly
- Maintained & grew Sugarbutch! Posting around 5-7x a month for the last thirteen years, since 2006
- Went back into the workforce after losing my job in 2009, worked at a wine store, a hyperbaric chamber spa, a gender & sexuality research center, and a queer speakers bureau
- Am beginning the career change into tech by taking classes and learning the lingo, trying to figure out what I’m doing
- Learned to ride a motorcycle & got a license
- Had one flying lesson and flew an airplane, just for a minute!
I could probably keep going. Maggie’s list is far more precise and interesting, but “had two #1 NYT bestsellers” wasn’t on my list this decade — perhaps for the next one.
So many of these accomplishments are about teaching & writing, which makes sense, as they’re where I spend the majority of my time. I’m noticing there’s a lot about travel, spirituality, health, and relationships, too. I think I’d like more bucket list items on there, more exciting moments of interest, more hobbies.
It’d be interesting to write a 2030 (!!) decade in review list and vision some of the things I’d like to do in the next ten years. That feels a little too tender and vulnerable to share here, but perhaps I’ll make some notes in my notebook.
